So I just decided randomly to revisit Friendster… I think I will update my profile and other such things either today or perhaps tomorrow…. I’ve already added a few new photos… I miss Friendster. It’s way different than the last time I logged on haha. Myspace is gettin’ on my damn nerves!
I love you my bay-behs!!
xox
Man I never go on here anymore…. I almost forget how to navigate this site… What’s really sad is the only reason I even came on here is because myspace is doing maintenance for the next 3 hours. (((sigh))) I actually came home early tonight in the hopes of going to bed early as well. I tried… but it didn’t work. I went to bed early, but the sleep wouldn’t come…. For well over an hour I tried. So fuck it. I’m up. And I’m on Friendster. I’m gonna post some yummy Chuck Norris hilarity for you all to enjoy since I’ve been such a terrible friendster. (Sorry if you already saw this on my myspace).
So, here it is: The Awesome that is Chuck Norris, Enjoy!!!
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, "Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris was the original Danny Tanner on the hit family sitcom, "Full House". He was replaced by Bob Saget after an unfortunate incident with one of the Olsen triplets.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Colman. He has not grown since.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don’t fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family… but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuvk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
Chuck Norris invented the internet while round house kicking Al Gore viciously in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris once defeated the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, "That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
On Neil Armstrong’s second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game UNO.
Feel free to add other facts/rumors/etc about Chuck if you are so inclined.
xox Kelly 
So this Thanksgiving was one for the record books…. I don’t even know where to begin describing it, so, I won’t -at least for now. Let’s just say that it’s the very first one that I spent without any family members. And it was very interesting. I have alot to be thankful for this year, just like every year. However, I am most thankful for all of you wonderful friends who I have met in the last year or 2. You came into my life during a really crazy and strange time for me and you have absolutely helped me out in more ways than you will ever know. It’s because of you that I didn’t dip out of Vegas for good a while back. I’m so glad I didn’t do that! I would have missed out on so many great experiences. It’s because of you that I still have faith in the human species (crack heads included; you know who you are! haha! j/k) and most importantly, in myself. Thanks so much guys. I love you.
p.s.– I don’t know what the hell happened the other night at CL but it was definitely crazy. And while I’m a bit disappointed in a couple people and the nonsense that happened, it was still good times. Still <3 you my bay-behs! xoked
….being vulnerable with new people. I miss my ex like a mutha sometimes…. we had the best most perfect relationship anyone could ever hope to have…..( of course we had little things here and there that were a little caca and we had a few hard times but that’s life and it was still fantastic being with him)….. and I wish I was never the ginormous idiot I was when I hurt him the way I did….. I deserve all the caca nonsense in my life for the way I behaved for those few short months in my whole life…..I honestly don’t know who the hell I was or what the hell I thought I was doing or even why the hell I did the shitty things I did…… karma (that thing that Carson Daly invented) is a bitch.
p.s.– I don’t know if you ever even go on here but if you do, and you are reading this, I’m sorry, I will always love you, and I hope that you’re happy and that your life is everything you ever wanted it to be…..
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Currently listening: Life for Rent By Dido Release date: By 30 September, 2003 |
…with a quickness!!! I told you I would still love you! You rock for telling the truth and the fact that you did it just to put my mind at ease (regardless of any consequences it could have caused you) shows me that you really are a true friend who cares if I feel sad/bad/annoyed/happy/whatever. I love you I love you I love you! And yes, I will always love you no matter what. HEARTS!!! <3!!!
p.s.– let this be a lesson for the rest of you!! just come clean already dang! haha!
…that you were honest with me. At all times. About everything. EVERYTHING. Like you promised you would always be. I’d feel so much better and wouldn’t be uncomfortable around you anymore….wouldn’t be disappointed in you anymore…. (((sigh)))
If you think my last post was directed towards you, then maybe it is. It’s scary how many people asked me if it was about them….. seriously. If you have anything to come clean about, go for it. Tell me you’re lying, lied, whatever and I’ll get over it. DON’T tell me, and I’ll never forget….trust me on that one. Even if your lie was stupid, tell me what it was. I promise I’ll forgive you….because I care about you…..If you care about me, you’ll come clean with a quickness homeskillets!! xoxoxoxokelly
Just because I don’t call you out on it, does NOT -I repeat NOT- mean I don’t know you’re lying to me -behind my back, straight to my face, whatever. It’s so lame to lie about the dumbest little things…. You know what it makes me think? If you lie about this most tiny and stupid of all things, you most likely lie about a rack of other shit to. Just know that I’m aware of it and my trust capacity is really REALLY small. You begged me to trust you when I was all about being on my own and not worrying about putting my trust in anyone else….and I eventually did. When I look at you now, I sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking when I got myself into this situation….. and pray to gods I won’t regret it like I sometimes tell myself I already do. I was a ginormous liar at one point in my life (so I know all the tricks, plus I fuckin study this shit everyday so come on, seriously) and I completely fucked myself and the people that I cared about (so I’ve learned my lesson and just don’t do it anymore). Anyhoo- just stop. Stop lying. And if you’re in denial about the lying then stop that too. And don’t pull that reverse psychology bullshit either…that’s getting so old that I could almost kill myself for ever ever ever putting up with it. Dang, why did I ever put up with that?? ugh.
…with school. This semester has been killer because I’m taking the worst class ever in the history of all classes : Statistics. BUT this is my last week and then I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for a bit…. then it’s back to work. But I’m gonna rage a bit next week. See all you party people I haven’t seen since I went into School Mode………….. hearts! <3!! xoked
I can still remember the day it happend… Friday the 13th… I was a frosh at AHC and my brother and C.J. were just about to finish up their 8th grade year at St. Bernard’s in Riverdale, Maryland. blah blah blah "only shit that matters to me and my family etc" blah blah blah and then… C.J. - a tiny, cool as shit, 13 year old kid -my brother’s best friend who was basically part of our family- was murdered that night…shot in the stomach by a bunch of wannabe gangsters… sadness…. It’s crazy that I still think about it every day…. If I still lived back home in Maryland I would spend part of this day at the cemetary with his mom and brother and sister like I always did until I moved way the fuck out here…That kid would be 25 now and probably would have come out to Vegas to visit and party and just "be"…. same as my brother…. crazy. Anyhoo- much love C.J….. wish you were here babe. miss you like crazy……………………… xokelly
